


Immortal

by donttouchtheneednoggle



Series: Knights [4]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Era, Character Study, Gen, Immortal Leon (Merlin), POV Second Person, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, can't forget that, i broke my own cardinal rule and made him sad, moderate injury description
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28961235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donttouchtheneednoggle/pseuds/donttouchtheneednoggle
Summary: Written for Merlin Bingo prompt 'Loss of identity'
Relationships: Gwen & Leon (Merlin), Leon & Merlin (Merlin), Leon & Percival (Merlin)
Series: Knights [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2117850
Comments: 12
Kudos: 30
Collections: Merlin Bingo





	Immortal

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Merlin Bingo prompt 'Loss of identity'

You are eight when Gwen screams at Elyan for eating nightshade berries and makes him throw them back up, and she is six and he is three and you are eight but you stand there, frozen and terrified and silent because you ate some too but you’re still standing there.

You are fifteen when you fall in a frozen river. By the time Gwen and Elyan get help you’ve been under for ten minutes. They pull you blue lipped and gasping from the water.

You are twenty two when in an ambush an arrow buries itself in your temple. When you come to, everyone around you lies dead.

You are twenty five when a battle axe carves a chunk out of your side. When everyone around you lies dead you wrap your cloak around you and stagger back to camp with everyone else. You lay down by the fire and hope they will think you are just sleeping. When you wake up no one has noticed a thing.

You are twenty seven when the dragon fire engulfs you. Everyone around you lies dead. It sears your skin and crisps your hair and you are thankful the gods are merciful enough to let you black out for this one too.

You are twenty nine when the crossbow bolt pierces your back. Everyone around you lies dead. It is excruciatingly slow, bleeding out like this, and you can’t move for quite a while. When you wake you drink from the Cup, can feel the water entering your body, but it does nothing. It has already found its like there.

You face them again not long after, only now they are equal to you. Everyone around you lies dead. To your immortal shame you find yourself joining them, even if it is only a pretence.

You are thirty three when you push in front of Gwaine and take a sword through the heart. Everyone around you lies dead. _You were lucky_ , Gaius says, raising an eyebrow at you. He has seen too much of your luck and he’s no fool, but he seems to know better than to say anything. Used to keeping secrets, you think, and don’t try and wonder. _You’re a bloody idiot_ , Gwaine swears at you, and it’s a curious inversion of normality.

You are thirty five when you stand on the great ridge beside your surrogate brother because your adopted one died in a tower not three months ago. In less than an hour he is mortally wounded and everyone around you lies dead and for the first time you find yourself wishing you could really join them.

.................

You are fifty five when you hold your adopted sister’s shaking hand. Her curls are shot through with silver and there are lines around her eyes but that is not why the breath is leaving her lungs, the breath is leaving her lungs because a chunk of rubble hit her head when the castle was destroyed.

Your last brother in arms lies gasping nearby, blood oozing from a hole in his chest. There are lines around his eyes too.

The blood drips from her temple, _drip drip drip_ , and gushes from his chest and with one hand you hold hers and the other you press against his wound, holding his life in and you wish you could give them your life: you have so, so much of it and you want none of it anymore.

Everyone around you lies dead.

Your sister squeezes your hand and smiles a little and you try to smile back like your world isn’t ending. When she’s gone you collapse beside your last brother who is still breathing as blood gushes from a wound in your stomach. It’s nothing compared to the one in your heart.

To your immortal shame you run away when you hear rescuers approaching. You run away because there are no lines around your eyes and your hair still springs gold and you haven’t aged a day and you cannot wait til everyone around you lies dead. It would be more pain than even you can bear.

You run away because you are a wretched coward who is not worthy of your own name.

.................

It’s years later when he finds you. He is alone now.

You look at him properly for the first time in decades and see his hair is still jet black and his pale skin is smooth. He hasn’t aged a day either.

He takes your hand and you walk through the world together.

You walk through the world and forget your own name.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos appreciated <3
> 
> Come hang out on [tumblr](https://donttouchtheneednoggle.tumblr.com/)!


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